Being told about yourself can be hard to hear and it would seem counterintuitive to thank someone for hurting your feelings. But that’s just your ego leading. Opportunities for growth should always be welcome. Even your response to the delivery of the message could be a test. As easy as it would be to lie and say I’m always a good person who does right by everybody, that’s definitely not the case nor would it be real.
This past Spring, I tried to get in touch with a former friend to reconnect. After multiple attempts to contact her, she finally responded with a message I wasn’t ready to hear. She did not want to reconnect, nor did she want to be friends anymore. It was decided that I had not been a good friend to her over the years, often putting my bestfriend first in situations that hurt her feelings. I don’t like being thought of as a bad a person so my first internal response was to get defensive of course, but I knew that I couldn’t lash out at her after I initiated the conflict. So I swallowed my pride, and thanked her for responding and giving an honest stance on the status of our friendship, or lack thereof.
Now, I’m not a person that shies away from conflict so it took a lot of inner strength not to go tit for tat and tell her about herself too. I’m not going to lie, it grinds my gears when someone waits for you to approach them to notify you of an grievance they have. I would have respected her and been more receptive to her feelings had she told me her issues without me having to chase her down to find out there was a problem. Nevertheless, I sucked all that deep down to the back of my throat and realized that her truth presented an opportunity for me to evaluate ways I could be a better friend to the people who continue to bless me with their presence in my life. As a matter of fact, my two bestfriends were going through a rough patch in their friendship right around the same time that I was processing ways to be better. So I used that awkward experience as fuel to lend a ear and words of advice when warranted to both of them, unbiased and balanced. I’m not going to say that they wouldn’t have worked out their issue if it wasn’t for me, but I feel confident I was a better friend to both of them in that situation then I would have been prior to being called out. It may be too late to reconcile with my former friend, but I learned that my true friends will always give me a chance show up for them with honesty and love. So I’m grateful to have had a friend who helped me become a better person and lost her, rather than to never have had one at all.
Update: I messaged my former friend to tell her thank you shortly after I wrote this blog post. And to my surprise, she responded! It feels so good to have closure, even if the friendship is irreparable.
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